I watch movies: Clash of the Titans IN THREE-DEEEE


Do you like ‘fun’ films like Snakes on a Plane?

Do you like Greek mythology?

If you answered yes to both questions, go see Clash of the Titans, now!

Honestly, I feel as if ten minutes into the movie they decided to ditch any semblance of story and just throw in as many swords, ‘witty’ (I use the word loosely) comments and big monsters as possible. The best part? I still enjoyed the movie quite a bit (for an action film).

I was a bit bummed by the lack of adventure – at no point in the film did Perseus (played by Sam Worthington, of Avatar fame) ever seem challenged. There was never a moment of “oh god, this is too much!” or “I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING“. No, the man raised as a fisherman his whole life picks up a sword and shield and starts destroying the shit out of ‘experienced’ and ‘deadly’ monsters.

On the bright side – The visuals were awesome. Medusa (Lady Vashj) was seriously one of the coolest monsters I’ve seen in a movie in some time.

Additionally, this was my first 3-D movie since ‘Avatar’ and I was grossly disappointed. I felt 3-D hindered the film and I would have loved to have watched it on a normal DP screen with some good quality.


My favorite part? When Zeus (Liam Neeson) punks Acrisius by disguising himself as him and having sex with his wife. I did not see that coming (as it’s a bit different from the real mythology) and the look on Zeus’ face as Acrisius storms into the room, seeing his wife naked and disheveled is freaking priceless.

If you have the extra cash, and you’re looking for something to do, go see the movie. But only if you’ve already seen How to Train Your Dragon, Remember Me, Shutter Island, Avatar, or Date Night (releasing tomorrow).


Vegas trip: Day 1

And so it begins…

I’m writing this mid drive, on my phone, so forgive me for any grammatical and/or spelling errors :)

I now know everything there is to know about In-n-out, I never expected the conversation that there of their employees sitting in a back seat would have but hey, now I know :D

Del taco in batstow = best thing ever. Those 59 cent tacos we get in san diego? Imagine them twice the size, add tomatoes and lettuce plus some seasoning on the beef and you know what’s up!

Its been five hours since trip start and I’m still not drink? Tucker Max would be disappointed. Forgive me!

My only regret? Not being able to watch tonights Lost. Seriously… its like my religion. CHURCH OF JACOB, sup?

More soon, stay tuned, dudes. <3

yo dawg, that’s what she said

In an attempt to brighten up your day, I present you with this:

Lil Wayne / The Office theme mashup

Think about it… envision the type of guy that’s so fucking cool that he combines one of the greatest (and whitest) television sitcom themes with lil’wayne.

Think about it.

You see me, don’t you?

That’s what I thought.

No, I didn’t make it but I swear, it was made for me.

Question of the Week #5. A DAY LATE!?

watch a strange arrangement of clouds...

It’s that time again. Or is it? Wait, something’s wrong… I can feel it.
Ah, yes, it’s a day late. I apologize. Not really.

I continue to half-write articles, save them and forget to come back to them, so I’m going to make an effort to finish all of them up and get them posted this weekend, should be a decent amount of reading material (if you’re into that sort of thing.

Anyways, toss me some questions and I’ll give ya some exciting answers.


Last weeks QOTW (#4):


My answers:


Loving L O S T.


Why must I love you so?

Why must you end?


Anyone else completely mind $*#& by last nights episode? Seriously, it was my favorite episode of the season by far.

Edit: I had a big post coming up, realized some people hadn’t watched it yet, will add it back in tomorrow so I can vent without spoiling it! :)

Where would you want to want to live?

Lately I’ve been thinking about where I live. Not just the room I currently rent, but the city, and the state.

While I do have a lot of love for California (Southern California, mainly) I have to say that after 22 years, a change could be nice. The question is where?!
(Please don’t read this and think “OH GOD, TYLER IS MOVING!!!111”, it’s merely a post of thoughts, and maybe something that can lead to a discussion).

Here’s what I know:

  • I like North America, anywhere else is just a bit too far from my friends/family.
  • I like the beach, a lot. I need to be able to see the water when I need to, so the Midwest is kinda meh for me.
  • I would love to at least experience the seasons. Warm summers, beautiful falls, snow in the winter and spring.

So what’s that leave us? Well first off, let’s look at the coastal states:

  • Maine – Seriously? WTF comes out of Maine.
  • New Hampshire – While I know I have friends with family out there, I honestly can’t say I’ve ever wanted to go there in my life.
  • Massachusetts – No.
  • Rhode Island – I’d make far too many Family Guy jokes.
  • Connecticut – Eventually we’re going to make it to good states.
  • New Jersey – Good music comes from NJ, but the name makes me think ‘Jersey Shore’, so, no.
  • New York – Would be fun to visit, but not live.
  • Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, Georgia – All seem like pretty boring states, although I’d love to visit sometime in my life.
  • North Carolina, South Carolina – So much good music comes from these two states that I think I could stomach it.
  • Florida – So many d-bags in one place!
  • Oregon – Could honestly consider living here.
  • Washington – Close enough to Canada that it could be cool, but it sounds like such a pompous state.
  • Alaska – Always joked about wanting to live here. After 30 Days of Night, I don’t think I could. Definitely want to visit, though!
  • Hawaii – Absolutely.

I’m discounting the Southwest entirely, I just can’t do it, sorry.

FYI – These are all based on my fairly limited knowledge of the states and having never been, perhaps I can be convinced some of them are better than I imagine!

So after being (extremely) picky, I’m left with:

  • California (Duh, I’m here already)
  • Oregon
  • Washington
  • North/South Carolina
  • Hawaii

Now, I plan on going a bit more in-depth on these five (possible) candidates in the next post, but I’m curious – Where would you want to live, and why? Try to be feasible, if possible. :)

Answering QOTW:4.

Question #1:

Peter “hot rod” Hetzel

Why is it when I fart poo comes out sometimes?

While  I’m not surprised your question is about poo, I still have to let you know how much I hate you! :)

Ah well, a question is a question, right?

Unfortunately for you, you’re a Hetzel. Hetzels have had this issue for a long, long time – let’s review:

  • 10,000BC – Grok Hetzel was competing for leadership of his clan, the Ookah’Ookahs. After the successful capture and castration of an adult Saber-tooth, the clan realized that Grok did in fact have what it would take to lead. The clan had a grand feast of Saber-Tooth, Mammoth, Berries and Grass that eventually lead to the crowning of their new leader. Grok was extremely proud of himself as he watched the clans shaman slowly lift the tooth-laden crown to the top of Grok’s head. In an act of great excitement, Grok threw his fist into the air and yelled, but in doing so, he let out a grand fart (Can you blame the guy? Have you ever eaten Mammoth?) and unfortunately couldn’t control himself, as he shat on the foot of the high-shaman. The clan saw this as an act of extreme disrespect and promptly beheaded their short-lived leader. It’s said that Krom Saska was his predecessor.
  • 1500’s. Leonardo da Hetzel had always been a fan of aviation, which is what lead him to sketch and build many machines that had the potential to fly. After years and years of hard work he eventually invented a glider that was in fact capable of performing avian-like feats. Leonardo gathered all of the prominent citizens of Italy to demonstrate a test flight – he launched from a small peak and much to his delight, HIS CREATION WORKED! Unfortunately, having never truly flown before, the heights caused him to become very nervous, resulting in the passing of gas. He was unable to control himself and ended up dropping small bits of feces upon the citizens he was flying over. Upon landing, Leonaro was met by an angry mob, who demanded him stoned to death.

    Note: In the early 1900’s, Leonardo da Hetzels name was changed to Leonardo da Vinci, in an attempt to cover up this moment in the Hetzel family history.

  • April 14th, 1865. Abe Hetzel was seeing a play with his wife, Gertrude. The couple had just come from dinner and Abe wasn’t feeling so well, but Gertrude had been looking forward to this play for some time, so he decided to power through the show for her sake. Half-way through the play, Abe’s stomach began to get worse and worse, causing flatulence. As his stomach grew increasingly worse, so did the gas, eventually resulting in him passing a bowel movement in his seat. The sounds and smells were greatly distracting one avid viewer, John Wilkes Saska. In an act of extreme, theatrical rage, John Wilkes Saska shot at Abe, only meaning to ‘scare’ him into leaving. Unfortunately guns were not all that accurate at the time and the bullet not only hit Abe Hetzel… but it killed him.

As you can see Peter, it’s not your fault. It’s your genetics.

Now I feel cheap for having written  a page worth of poo stories. I hate you.