Answering QOTW:4.

Question #1:

Peter “hot rod” Hetzel

Why is it when I fart poo comes out sometimes?

While  I’m not surprised your question is about poo, I still have to let you know how much I hate you! :)

Ah well, a question is a question, right?

Unfortunately for you, you’re a Hetzel. Hetzels have had this issue for a long, long time – let’s review:

  • 10,000BC – Grok Hetzel was competing for leadership of his clan, the Ookah’Ookahs. After the successful capture and castration of an adult Saber-tooth, the clan realized that Grok did in fact have what it would take to lead. The clan had a grand feast of Saber-Tooth, Mammoth, Berries and Grass that eventually lead to the crowning of their new leader. Grok was extremely proud of himself as he watched the clans shaman slowly lift the tooth-laden crown to the top of Grok’s head. In an act of great excitement, Grok threw his fist into the air and yelled, but in doing so, he let out a grand fart (Can you blame the guy? Have you ever eaten Mammoth?) and unfortunately couldn’t control himself, as he shat on the foot of the high-shaman. The clan saw this as an act of extreme disrespect and promptly beheaded their short-lived leader. It’s said that Krom Saska was his predecessor.
  • 1500’s. Leonardo da Hetzel had always been a fan of aviation, which is what lead him to sketch and build many machines that had the potential to fly. After years and years of hard work he eventually invented a glider that was in fact capable of performing avian-like feats. Leonardo gathered all of the prominent citizens of Italy to demonstrate a test flight – he launched from a small peak and much to his delight, HIS CREATION WORKED! Unfortunately, having never truly flown before, the heights caused him to become very nervous, resulting in the passing of gas. He was unable to control himself and ended up dropping small bits of feces upon the citizens he was flying over. Upon landing, Leonaro was met by an angry mob, who demanded him stoned to death.

    Note: In the early 1900’s, Leonardo da Hetzels name was changed to Leonardo da Vinci, in an attempt to cover up this moment in the Hetzel family history.

  • April 14th, 1865. Abe Hetzel was seeing a play with his wife, Gertrude. The couple had just come from dinner and Abe wasn’t feeling so well, but Gertrude had been looking forward to this play for some time, so he decided to power through the show for her sake. Half-way through the play, Abe’s stomach began to get worse and worse, causing flatulence. As his stomach grew increasingly worse, so did the gas, eventually resulting in him passing a bowel movement in his seat. The sounds and smells were greatly distracting one avid viewer, John Wilkes Saska. In an act of extreme, theatrical rage, John Wilkes Saska shot at Abe, only meaning to ‘scare’ him into leaving. Unfortunately guns were not all that accurate at the time and the bullet not only hit Abe Hetzel… but it killed him.

As you can see Peter, it’s not your fault. It’s your genetics.

Now I feel cheap for having written  a page worth of poo stories. I hate you.


One response to “Answering QOTW:4.

  1. Pingback: Question of the Week #5. A DAY LATE!? « How Awesome Am I?

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